l have been married for more than a year and believe that l have been trying my best to make it work.l am finally after many hard wake up calls trying to deal with the fact that my husband does not love me and probably only married me out of convenience.Since we've been together he has not held down a full-time job and refuses to work.He can be a nice guy as long as you do not ask anything of him.We have been staying with his mother and step father and l do not see anything changing in regards to him stepping up to bring needed things to the marriage.l have been working full-time and he does not even respect me for trying to do 'something' for us.Every time l try to discuss a positive idea or anything he immediately shoots it down with negative commentary.I am at the point that l do not even wanna discuss my dreams or ideas with him because all he is going to do is tell me how it can not or wo not work.Whenever something happens to him, l have to be the sensitive one to down play it and coddle his ego, but when something happens to me he does not even support me and may even call me names.l just do not see this as a win-win situation.He now wants to go to work as an intern, working for free for eight weeks.This will not bring us any money but this is his dream.l am not against him having a dream but we are both over forty and l am concerned about our future.l had an enjoyable single life so l am ready to move forward as a couple.l do not think he had as much fun as l did, so he is resentful, underdeveloped and probably yearns for the great bachelor life that he is never had.He never was the playboy guy that women competed for, with the hot car, the really good job, status etc. so l think that some part of him feels cheated.Before we got together he told me that his life was just one blue collar job after another.He held other small jobs in retail but that is about it.l have given up trying to convince him to get a real job but life is coming at us.Yesterday he was not feeling well and had to go to the doctor.l could not afford to put him on my insurance so he went for charity care.l keep thinking incidences like these will wake him up to be a more responsible grown up.Where do l go?I am hurt because my marriage is fake and l guess l do feel sorry for myself in a way but l know l have to get myself together and dust myself off, how do l start?Help?!

You just started by admitting that things just wo not get better. If this man is 40 & still does not have any ambition, he is not likely to find any. Some people r content with average paying jobs that do not have a lot of responsibility to them. Not everyone can cope with high stress jobs.

Try to get out of the mode of dating people that need financial help. l realized with a group of friends, it was always the same ones that kept borrowing money off me. After a couple of years, they pretty much expected me to buy whatever they needed because they did not have the money to get it. I'd get a sob story every time, but it seemed it never changed year after year.

It finally dawned on me that they did not have things they needed because they did not work to get them. l also realized that most people is problems r because of something they did or did not to to rectify a situation, or it was their attitudes that kept them from getting ahead. l broke off all contact with them.

You can not make him be what u want him to be, so that gives u 2 options. Either accept it & know he will always sit back & let u take care of him. Or leave him & try not to make the same mistake again.